Intention or Resolution?

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you will know that I am somewhat opposed to the ‘patriarchy of society’. Today, I got to thinking about how society encourages us every damn year to make New Year’s Resolutions. It is a time that is supposed to be filled with new hope of making things different in the coming year. However, if you are like me, you are not a fan of setting New Year’s resolutions. In theory, it’s a good idea, but it leaves many of us feeling like mega failures by the time February rolls around. So that is why I’m going to encourage you to set intentions for 2020 instead of resolutions.

What are New Year’s resolutions?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines New Year’s resolutions as, ‘a promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year’. In short, New Year’s resolutions are when people decide to take action and work towards a goal. The most popular resolutions are to:

• Lose weight
• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Stop smoking
• Drink less
• Learn a new hobby or skill

We know that it’s good to have goals in life, but there are a few reasons why resolutions don’t work for most people. Firstly, many people struggle to know how to set proper resolutions and goals. So they choose something they want to do, but they don’t actually have a plan for how they will accomplish it. This leads to failure in achieving the goal. Secondly, we tend to view resolutions with an ‘all or nothing’ mentality. This means the first time we blow our diet or miss a workout we throw our resolution out the window! Resolutions are something that we either succeed or fail. It’s black or white.

If you don’t believe me just go to a gym at the beginning of January and then again at the beginning of February and March. Gyms across the country are packed with people who have made resolutions to get in shape at the start of the year. But, each month attendance drops off as people give up. After so many years of trying and ‘failing’ to stick to their resolutions, people just stop making them altogether.

Until next time,

I never ‘fitted in’. Partly because my mother dressed me differently to the ‘fashion’ the other girls followed and rather dressed me in old fashioned, stuffy clothes like blazers and matching dresses to my sister who was 5 years my junior, and partly because every piece of confidence and self esteem had been depleted, again, by my mothers treatment of me.

In all of my schools, colleges and then university, there would be a group of girls I called the ‘Clique' – they always seemed to be laughing, in the ‘know', have the best clothes, and generally gave off the feeling that not only were they cooler than everyone else, but that their circle was utterly impenetrable. No outsiders allowed. And all outsiders were definitely not good enough. Being the highly sensitive kid that I was, this affected me deeply. I didn’t actually know if I liked the girls in the Clique (because I didn’t really know them), but at the same time I really wanted to be part of it. I wanted so much to be liked, seen and feel like I belonged. Instead, I felt an outsider.

REJECTED.

I was teased, name-called and bullied. This continued into my early adulthood and my nursing career. I never seemed to be a part of the ‘Clique’ but so needed to be be seen and loved by those girls in those exclusive groups. In my mind, they ran in super-tight circles, knew each other very well… and were somehow more successful and living a better life than me. 

The thing I always noted was that the ‘Cliques’ were always women, never men. This was about Sisterhood, and feeling excluded from special Sisterhood in one way or another.

It wasn’t until I reached my mid-40’s that I discovered Women’s Circles and Ritual, and so much around Sisterhood changed for me. Not being part of any ‘cool' cliques became even less important, and feeling a belonging in groups of like-minded women who understood me and did not judge me, took top priority.

Over the last few months, I have noticed the Sister Wound show up in my business. Not with clients, prospects or marketing, all of that feels so natural and aligned and I feel totally in my power, in my authenticity, and embodied in those areas. The Sister Wound is showing up in how I interact with colleagues that I am working on various joint venture projects, inviting them to collaborate and co-create with me. I have noticed in myself a fear of rejection, and a need to impress ~  wondering if I’ll be accepted and admired and loved… I started second guessing myself and wondering: Am I good enough? Will she respond to my invitation? Will she like my project? Does she like ME?I see on Facebook that she is friends with such ’'n' such, and so ’'n’ so,  is this another Clique that I don’t know how to be a part of?

Of course the fear is different, and not as all-encompassing as when I was younger. I’m not attached to the outcome with it, but I want to share with you that it IS there. I can see very clearly how I’ve created an incredibly successful business, largely (and purposely) WITHOUT calling on the support of colleagues because of my Sister Wound. Yet we all know having collaborators and supporters makes EVERYTHING easier, right? But something held me back.

The Sister Wound runs deep: Even for someone like me who has done so much work on it, who knows the importance of Sisterhood, who is a leader in the field, and who supports other leaders around it. Even for the coaching and healing industries where women-preneurs are so evolved, and where the industry is based on changing the paradigm of the business world.It is there.

I believe the Sister Wound is still active and activated because of how women have been pitted against each other for centuries, creating a competitive culture where women tear one another down rather than build one another up. I can see how Patriarchal Culture has ensured that it will prevail because it knows what can happen when women really come together fully. 

But I also believe we have come a long, long way, and will continue to do so, and how Women’s Circle and Ritual will play a huge part in dismantling the Patriarchy and empower women to come together and rise fully into their potential, as individuals and sisters.

I feel vulnerable sharing this here, but I am doing so because I know there are countless women experiencing this right now, and I want you to see that it can show up at any level of success or visibility. And I share this because I want to invite you to shift it for yourself…with ripple effects happening globally.

How can you heal your Sister Wound?

First step is to be aware and honest with yourself around how the Sister Wound shows up in your life and business. Where does it show up? What parts of your life does it affect? How does it make you feel? Watch it, catch it, and when it gets out of hand, remind it that you are so loved, and so wonderful, and that we are all Daughters of Spirit, with our own joys and our own human struggles. We are all equal.

Second Step is to find your tribe. Discover Women’s Circle and experience it for yourself!  This month, on June 22nd, I will be facilitating a Sistership™️ Circle Day, here in Calgary. We will be gathering in the Fish Creek Park and experiencing a beautiful ritual in celebration of the Summer Solstice and Sisterhood!

You can catch all the details here.

Until next time,